Negative Self-Talk
The story is told of
a man driving across the country on a deserted highway. He was essentially alone except for the
occasional farm house he passed along the road.
As luck would have it, he heard and felt a familiar thump, thump,
thump. He had a flat tire. He stopped on the side of the road to inspect
the damage and to replace the flat tire with the spare. Upon digging in his
trunk, he discovered he had no lug wrench, so he could not remove the lug nuts. He decided to walk back to the nearest farm
house and ask if he could borrow a lug wrench.
While walking he began thinking about the farmer he had not yet met. Talking to himself, he imagined the farmer
would probably be unfriendly and try to charge him money for using the
wrench. He told himself what he would
say when the farmer sneers and refuses to lend the wrench, etc. When he finally knocked on the door to the
farm house, he had become so upset with this negative self-talk that before the
farmer could say hello, the stranded motorist said, “I don’t care what you say,
I wouldn’t borrow your wrench anyway,” and spun around and stalked off.
It has been said a
negative mind will never give you a positive life. I believe that, to some degree, most people
are guilty of occasional negative self-talk.
But, many people wallow in it. If
you are a negative self-talker, you may not even be aware of it because after
years of doing it, it becomes second nature to you. You probably do not notice your negative view
or slant on everything. But, it affects
how you live life, how others react to you, how the spirit works with you and
it keeps you from enjoying the best of life.
I have called it, “Self Limiting Beliefs.” Those who do it see themselves as victims and
powerless to be accountable for their actions.
Griping, criticizing and complaining drives people away. Negative self-talk is usually directed either
at yourself or at other people and situations.
Examples of negative
self-talk about yourself are: I am not
good enough. I suck at everything I do. I am not going to get better at this. I am an idiot. I have nothing interesting to say. I’m going to fail for sure. I didn’t play well. I’m hopeless, etc.
Negative self-talk about
others and situations is equally debilitating such as: I could have done a better job than he is
doing. That hypocrite always condemns me
for doing to her what she is doing to me.
It is too complicated. There is
no way it will work out. No one bothers
to communicate with me. God answered my
prayers too late, the damage is all done, etc.
Negative self-talk
is evidence of lack of faith. You pray
for good things to happen to you. Then
when your life is not always blissful or you hit a bump in the road, you
immediately focus on the, often inaccurate and exaggerated, negatives of the
situation. You do not choose to have the
faith to look for the good, realize there is a blessing for you in this turn of
events and cheerfully move on.
One big problem with
negative self-talk is that your body and your subconscious mind do not know
that your thoughts are not reality. Your
mind gets carried away replaying shortcomings or negative ideas. Your body and mind may even react by feeling
physically ill or emotionally depressed, angry, anxious or upset. What is more cynical, it is possible to live
in negativity and never see the destructive results in your body, your mind and
your life. Happy people learn to put
their bad days behind them.
The affect my negative
self-talk has on me is a sort scornful pleasure to have a sour attitude toward
myself and others. I lose faith and
trust in the Lord and fail to acknowledge his hand in my life. I become over critical with a steady diet of
criticizing everything. I look for the
negative first and point it out. I am
not internalizing faith in Jesus Christ, hope, charity and love, virtue, patience
or humility.
Consider these
admonitions in the context of what God thinks about negative self-talk:
33 Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye
also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward.
34 …do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built
upon my rock, they cannot prevail. (DC
6:33-34)
7 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he… (Proverbs 23:7)
“Many voices in the world compete for your attention, and they can easily
drown out spiritual impressions if you are not careful.” (PMG p. 96)
13 …I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind,
which shall fill your soul with joy; (DC 11:13)
9 Be patient in afflictions, revile not against those that revile. Govern
your house in meekness, and be steadfast.
(DC 31:9)
23 And that which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness. (DC50:23)
34 Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the
willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion… (DC64:34)
What to do? Take a day and monitor yourself. Do not say to yourself or to anyone else one
criticism or limiting thing about anything or anybody. Simply look for the good with patience and
humility. Compliment others. Missionaries should line up at the podium
after every sacrament meeting or class to congratulate and thank every speaker
or teacher. That alone would put a
brighter spin on your day.
See the difference
it makes in how you feel. Then go do it
another day. It takes time and practice
to think about things in a more realistic and productive way. After 3 weeks, you will have a new habit.
President Robinson
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